All A Wedding Needs, with Imma Sothin
Planning a wedding is no easy feat, but this step-by-step
guide will lay the foundations for a perfect day.
Step One: The Dress
This is by far the most important step. You want a dress
guaranteed to enhance your complexion, so white is a
must. A tightly cinched bodice will grant a comfortably
hunched appearance, while hugging all your curves.
The second must is the flaring fish-tail skirt constructed
from netting priced at triple its original cost. You may
find it hard to walk in, at first, so get practising!
The third and final thing your dress needs this season is
a single shoulder strap to achieve that desired, uneven
Step Two: The Food
Feeding your guests is one place where it is easy to go
over budget. The wise bride will solve this problem
by focussing on what is truly important: the Decadent
Chocolate Wedding Cake is sure to compliment you and
your wedding décor, and at an affordable $2000, every
budget-conscious bride has one on her list.
The joy of seeing your guests marvel at the cake will
almost make up for not being able to eat any of it
yourself, as the dress is so well fitted the consumption of
any food – or even swallowing your spit – will result in
Step Three: The Venue
You’re the centre of attention, so flamboyant venues
are a Big No! The other Big No is white furniture,
which may cause you to blend into the background.
We recommend a run-down motel dining room where
nothing will compete with your fabulousness.
The other option is a completely black colour scheme,
which will contrast perfectly with your dress. The savvy
bride will ask her attendees to wear black, too.
Step Four: Making it Perfect
Imma Sothin recommends starving yourself for a week in
advance to ensure you’ll look your best.
These four simple steps are literally all you need for the
perfect wedding. Remember, “It’s better to die pretty, than
A Year 11 student of the Christchurch School for Young Writers