This was the topic one of my beautiful brides asked me to address.
Having recently lost my Mum, I realise that I have to share ideas for loving your Mum in two ways. Yes, if you are unlucky and don’t have your Mum at your wedding, you need to love and honour her. If, on the other hand, you are lucky enough to have your Mum with you on your wedding day, you need to treasure that. There is a special bond between Mum and daughter on the wedding day, no matter how old the bride is, or if the bride has been married, once or twice before.
So let us start with the Bride who has a Mum, and she has been involved with you as you plan your wedding. She is the Mum that offered advice and guided you, but was not controlling and didn't take over your wedding. Unfortunately, there are still a few brides who do not have their dream wedding but their Mother’s! Sometimes I think this comes about because the Mum might not have had the wedding she wanted, so she gets a chance to have it through her daughter. Whatever the circumstances, if you have a Mum, it is important to appreciate that you do, and what they have done and will do!
So how do you show that appreciation and love? I have talked before about flowers and will talk more later in this blog. Giving flowers to your Mum with a lovely note can be done on the day of the wedding (which gets flowers into the house). If your Mother has been a great help, you might like to present flowers during the ceremony. This gives me, as your Celebrant, a chance on your behalf to talk about love and your relationship with your Mum. Most brides give a wrist corsage or shoulder spray to their Mums. Lighting candles, doing a reading, holding the rings, signing the marriage documents – any of those jobs can be given to your Mum. Walking down the aisle with both Mum and Dad is becoming more popular.
If you have lost your Mum, and do not have her there on your wedding day, you can demonstrate your love by placing a special photo in a special frame and placing it on the signing table. You could light a candle, or invite someone else to do it if you are going to be overcome with grief. You could have a seat in the front row with just a flower on it. A ceremonial someone could place a favourite flower in front of the photo. As your Celebrant, mentioning of the relationship of Mum and daughter can be very emotional – so be warned!
Over recent times I have observed a place setting being set at the reception for a loved one that has passed. So it is really up to you and what fits your plan for your wedding day – but loving your Mum is very important. There is no one just like your Mum (even if she was an identical twin, which my Mum was!) Having a special tablecloth on the signing table or involved in the table settings can in itself be special.
I am a great believer in giving flowers while you can. I was pleased that I took any and every opportunity to give my lovely Mum flowers to brighten her days over the years. I love my Mum, and was lucky enough to have so many good times with her, and yes, I was lucky to have both my Mum and Dad present at my wedding.